Right now, it’s quiet here. It’s a rare phenomenon. A is in bed, C went to the store. The fuzzy, four legged daughter is passed out on the floor. And here I am, typing.
The little man is doing some major flips in my belly right now. If I’m being honest, I’m quite concerned this kid is going to be so wrapped up in the cord when he’s born that he may not come out easily. But, despite the rambunctious tumbling, he’s ‘quiet’.
I need silence to think, to write.
Before A, I don’t think I realized how much my life would change. In good ways. Amazing ways.
Except for the incessant noise.
She’s at this phase now where she’s learning to ‘back talk’. It’s pretty incredibly funny. But it’s also kind of annoying. If she’s not back talking, she’s yelling at the dog, or singing to the birds, or banging pots. It’s never quite here anymore.
But those few times that she has stayed at Nana and Pop’s house overnight? It’s sickeningly quiet. It’s hard to focus it’s so quiet. I try to get things done, and I still only get half of the tasks done.
Because it’s too quiet.
I know that I sound a little backwards. What do you want, Erin? Quiet or noise?
I want both. I miss the quiet time that I can just reflect. I can do my morning devotionals peacefully and really spend time with God. I feel like, even though now my faith should be stronger, some days it’s just not. Instead of my quiet time with God, it’s prayer time with a toddler. If you’ve ever made the switch, you know what that’s like. Trying to teach a toddler to pray is hard work. But her faith and her relationship with God is super important too.
But, if A wasn’t here? If we didn’t have one child, with another on the way; if we were still the simple minded, single newlyweds? I would never have known the joy that all of these little noises bring. The learning that is happening on a daily basis. The intense love that I feel for this little human being. It’s big and it’s real.
I know there will come a day when we will be empty nesters. I will have my quiet time back. But just thinking about having that quiet house is enough to bring me to tears. I’m blaming it on the pregnancy hormones right now. Though really, I know it’s a lot deeper than that. Because I now know what I didn’t know before. The love for your child is like no other, noises and all.