Poop

I think, one of the major things that proves to be a turning point in anyone’s parenting career is…  well, it’s poop.

I don’t know that you can fully consider yourself a parent until you’ve experienced all the possible poops out there.  And though I have a less than 2 year old, I do feel quite well versed in this.  I’m sure, as we go along, there will be even more events of which to gain valuable lessons.  Stay tuned.

First we have the newborn poops.  They don’t smell.  Thankfully.  They’re the stickiest poops out there.  You will be standing over your little bundle of joy for a seemingly endless timeframe trying to get every last bit out of their “area”.  Again, note that it is God’s free pass to you that they don’t smell.  This is training for the next step.

Unfortunately, while you are trying to get every last little bit off of a “hoo-ha” or “ding-a-ling”, you may experience The BLOWOUT.  This is still not the worst.  Fortunately for us, this has only happened once.  C was standing at the end of the changing table, ‘helping’, and A let ‘er rip.  All over C, all over the door, all over the changing table.  It was everywhere.  Again, this isn’t yet the worst.  At this point, she was still breastfed, which often, breastfed babies don’t have stinky poops.  Don’t ask me why.  That’s a phenomenon I don’t completely understand myself.

Then, you have the TODDLER Blowout.  This needs to be reiterated.  The TODDLER Blowout, is very different than the BLOWOUT.  Though the names match (and in a lot of ways, they are similar) you can’t claim to know any form of the BLOWOUT until you’ve experienced them all.

We’ve made it the whole way to 16 months without having to experience this.  But the story doesn’t end there.

No friends.  It doesn’t.

About a week ago, I went in to get A in the morning.  She’s kind of an odd child.  I frequently have to wake her up in the morning.  She’s a pretty good sleeper.  That she got from her momma.

Anyhow.  She was awake.  Which is unusual.  Standing up in the crib, looking around.  And quiet.

Now, any mom in her right mind knows what QUIET means.  It means trouble.  Doesn’t matter how you look at it.  It just means something isn’t right.

Enter: the TODDLER Blowout.

I kid you not, when I opened the door, the wall of scent hit me.  And it wasn’t a pretty scent either.  Then I SAW it.  Half her sleeper was brown.  The crib had brown hand streaks.  The sheet was brown.

The only advice I can give you is to plug your nose, strip the kid down and just put them in the bath tub.  Just do it.  Consider throwing out the sheets, possibly the crib.  Maybe even just put your house up for sale.  As is.

Having worked for a few years on a dairy farm, my husband wasn’t caving to my request to sell the house.  So I had to suck it up and deal with it.  But you better bet, the next time that happens.  Either HE can take care of it, or we’re moving.

Welcome to parenthood.

❤ Erin

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